Everyone Has Finally Seen Enough
by Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love
Summary: We,the Order of the Phoenix 1995 ,have had enough of seeing you two stupid mutts doing unspeakable things to each other on the table where we eat, the sofas where we sit, the stairs that we climb and in front of Sirius' mother. RLSB. SLASH! 1st chapter/letter - the Order, 2nd chapter/letter - James Potter : Review!
1. The Order of the Phoenix

**_I don't know if this kind of thing has been done before... but I decided to give it a go... it was fun to write and I hope you all enjoy this!  
Please lemme know what you think of it :)_**

Mr. Sirius Black and Mr. Remus Lupin,

We are writing this polite, courteous and altogether rather civil letter to let you know our opinions about the... situations that have been occurring around the house recently.

While all of us have agreed to and accepted your relationship, unfortunately, we have not yet become accustomed to seeing you two '_going at it_' as you so eloquently put it. We, as in the whole of the Order, have had enough of seeing you two stupid mutts doing unspeakable things to each other... on the table where we eat, the sofas where we sit, the stairs that we climb and in front of Sirius' mother (although, her reaction is rather hilarious... but entirely inappropriate, of course). The disturbing noises that we are subjected to when you forget to put up a silencing charm is more than enough as it is, and none of us really want or need actual _images _to go with those sounds.

Also, many of us think that while Public Displays Of Affection are generally rather...er... cute, that does not mean, Sirius, that you can feel Remus up under the table while we are discussing Voldemort and how he plans to kill us all.

Another thing, Molly would rather that her precious kids should not be traumatised to the same degree as the Order has been. She believes that if her children should ever see you '_doin' the nasty_' their '_innocent_' little brains will be tainted forever. She also thinks that while creativity is an important characteristic to have and that it is always useful, she would rather that you did _not _include it in your lovemaking and instead stored it for more... _arty_ stuff (like making this thing you call a house vaguely habitable).

Alastor Moody would simply like you to stop being so '_caught up in your own fairy tale world_' and more '_receptive_' to the things that are happening around you... like the _war_, for instance. He is also pretty sure that you two would _not _like it at all if a Death Eater were to walk in while you two are having sex and simply hex your balls off... and then kill you. (As even though that would be a relief to all of the Order, we are really not _that_ cruel (the balls part, not the killing part).) Following that, Moody would now simply like to add: '_CONSTANT VIGILANCE'_!

Severus Snape would like to point out that he does not even like looking at your _faces_, and that to see your _buttocks _is possibly the worst kind of torture ever devised by the human brain. _'That is all. Stupid, bloody, idiotic Gryfindors.'_

Arthur has decided that he will not get involved as this is a matter of extreme delicacy and feels that it is also none of his business. No, wait, he has just rethought his opinion (after a stern glare from his scary wife) and has chosen, of course, to agree with Molly.

Professor Dumbledore says that while love is a _brilliant _feeling and that everyone has a right to _show _that love, some people tend to get a bit... carried away. He would appreciate it greatly if your methods of showing this love were just _that_ _little bit _more subtle.

The other Hogwarts Professors agree heartily with the Headmaster. However, one Minerva McGonagall would also like to add that she '_had expected much better from you, Remus John Lupin'_ and that '_You, Sirius Black are simply a lost cause and there is no point in trying to talk to you at all'_.

Nymphadora Tonks is in an extremely fragile condition after that horrible episode today in which she found you in the kitchen, equipped with handcuffs, a whip and very tight leather trousers. However, she _has_, after many long hours of contemplation, offered to take you (Remus) off of your (Sirius') hands and keep all their (Remus' and Tonks') future sexcapades private... as long as you (Remus) '_keep the leather trousers and the handcuffs'. _She would like to add that she has _no _feelings for Remus _whatsoever _and that she simply wants to do her _lovely _cousin a favour.

Mundungus Fletcher does not '_give a crap... and are those goblets made out of real silver?_'.

So, to conclude, please refrain in taking part in any sexual activities in any room other than the bedroom (and by _'the'_ bedroom, we mean _your _bedroom). We also advise you to put up a silencing charm, lock the door and remember to put your clothes on before you come downstairs.

Yours sincerely,

The Order Of The Phoenix  
1995

**_So... there it is :)  
Hope you liked it and please review! It would make my day :)_**


	2. James Potter

_Ff . net deleted three of my stories! One of which was my fave James Potter Has Seen Enough! So I'm reposting it as an extra chapter for this fic and hopefully it won't be deleted again! Anyway I've now backed up all my stories at least twice on two different computers so hopefully that should be okay! Hope you enjoy this :D and I'm also giving you lovely people the opportunity to request similar letters from anyone! Hope you enjoy and please remember to review! :D_

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Dearest Padfoot and Moony,

I am writing this extremely _polite _and _friendly _letter to _kindly _request the removal of yourselves from the humble abode I call my - Oh, this is _bullshit_. In other words:

GET YOUR SORRY ARSES THE FUCK OUT OF MY BED.

Do you know how much trouble I went through to get you two together? The blood, sweat and tears I wasted over you? I have had my darling Lily-kins knee me in my family jewels when I asked her for help in getting you two together; I have had McGonagall interrogating me as to why I was wanking in a broom cupboard; I have had first years staring at me strangely as I mime basahing your heads together when I am walking behind you. All of that was done for YOU! (Yes, _even _the wanking part... just don't ask... the trauma I experienced over that is just too much... honestly, the things I do for you!)

AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?

This is how you treat your BEST FRIEND? Moony, honestly, I'm ashamed at you - I thought that you, at least, would be a tad more considerate for me, but NO! You _let _that stupid fluff-ball we call _Padfoot_ fuck you on **_MY_**_ BED_! You ruined my pretty sheep-covered covers! My _mother _have those to me! And now, _I can't even get the stain out_!

The stain! Oh, don't even get me started on the bloody _stain_! The mere fact that your _semen _is on my bed covers is enough to make me _vomit_! How could you do this to me? How? HOW? And _what _am I going to _tell _my mother? That my two best friends thought it would be amusing to FUCK on MY BED?

I thought you were my friends! Why couldn't you do it on Peter's bed? Why? WHY? Peter's mother doesn't give a _shit _about his bed covers! You _know _how my mother is; she'll go _ballistic_! And unlike me, Peter did not go through hours of thinking - which, by the way, almost _killed _my brain - about how to get you two brainless idiots together.

And the noises you make, oh blimey, they make my ears _bleed_! Literally. Do you know how painful bleeding ears are? I swear, my ears almost fell off- but what with all the racket you buffoons were making, that wouldn't have been a bad thing! I do not want to know what you are doing with each other's cocks, and I don't see why you'd (Remus) would want to advertise how '_good it feels inside you'_! And Padfoot, I doubt anyone wants to know how _'godly'_ you find Remus' privates!

Also, you idiots are having a very negative effect on the Gryffindors! Half of them are two scared to even enter the common room in case they just _happen _to come face to face with your naked arses! Or they're worried about not being able to work while you two furbrains are humping each other through the floor in the dormitory _directly above them_! The other half, scarily enough, _want _to see you two going at it! And that does not mean they have good taste in gay men, _no_! It simply means that these people, unsurprisingly the majority of which are _girls_, are twisted, insanely perverted and utterly _loopy_. (I hope you liked that play on words, Moony. You know... 'Loopy', 'Lupin', 'Loony'... ya know what I mean? Or maybe I should start calling you Moopy. Mixture of Moony and Loopy... Yeah, I rather like that.)

Alright Moopy and Madfoot! (Hehe, I'm a genius!), if I ever see you two sexing each other up outside the dormitory, without a silencing charm (on the _floor _as well as the walls and door) or locking charm, I'm going to grab you both, _by the penis _(of course, I shall be wearing gloves), and then lock you in a room with a hundred rabid Remus/Sirius fangirls. (You know, I thought I saw Professor Sprout making gooey eyes at you two...) That's right! The evil look that you are visualising on face as you read this **_is actually__ there._**

Thank you, and goodnight!

... Peace out. (I've always wanted to say/write that!)

James 'Prongs' Potter.

P.S. You guys have to buy me new bed covers. And this time, I want them covered in piggies, please.

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_Even if you've read it before, reviewww! Let me know if I need to fix anything or whether it just cracked you up again! Or share my anger over my fics being deleted waaah :( Thank you! Hope you enjoyed! Love all my reviewers to bits! First reviewer gets to decide who the next letter comes from! :D _

_M x_


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